Flowing With the River of Grief

Adam Thompson, Parchment Location

“Our aliveness is bound up in the suppression of our sorrow.” Francis Weller, The Wild Edge of Sorrow

It really is that simple, and that difficult. 

As we grow older, we all accumulate losses - the death of loved ones, ending relationships, declining health, dreams unrealized, not receiving care when we most needed it, loss innocence, the bittersweet feeling of our children growing into adults, and realizing how much of our lives we’ve lived refusing to let love in. 

As the tributaries of these losses converge, they collect and flow into an ever-powerful subterranean river of grief. Unfortunately, our culture has little wisdom to offer us when it comes to navigating this powerful flow, and so, out of a fear of drowning, most of us do our best to dam it up. 

We dam up our own aliveness. 

The consequence of this damming is that we not only impede the flow of grief, but of every other feeling available to us. Our pain is numbed, but so is our ability to experience joy, contentment, curiosity, and wonder. Our vitality is suppressed by the control it takes to keep these grief-waters at bay; anxiety and depression are the body's response to this posture of control.  

When the river of grief flows forcefully, you might fear that it will sweep you away. However, the truth is, you won’t drown. If you relax your grip, the river will carry you. You’ll still feel pain, because aliveness is painful. Pain reminds you of how much you’re willing to open yourself up to care, and it is always temporary. Conversely, resisting the pain of living is what creates deep and long-term suffering. As you turn towards this grief, all of the energy that was previously bound up in resistance will now be available to you to find a generative and meaningful life. 

Grief is a powerful human experience, and it is an honor to navigate these waters with you.